A Strange Story of Terrifying Tragedy

Review of {At the Mountains of Madness}, by {H.P. Lovecraft}

 

Review Title: {A Strange Story of Terrifying Tragedy}

 

A comprehensive review by John Adams Theibert Jr.

 

Review Method: This is a comprehensive review of the classic novel {At the Mountains of Madness} by {H.P. Lovecraft}. In this review I will use a 10 element system that I developed to assign a star amount to this story out of a total of five stars. Each element has 2 components that are each worth 0.25 stars. Each element is worth a total of 0.5 stars. There are 5 primary elements and 5 secondary elements. There are 3 subtotal stars in the primary elements, obtained by adding the primary elements and rounding up. There are 2 subtotal stars in the secondary elements, obtained by adding the secondary elements and rounding down.

 

Stars Given: [4] stars out of 5 stars /****- / / * = star – = no star/

 

The Primary Elements: Idea, Plot, Characters, Setting, & Theme

 

The Idea – hook and world: {The idea of the story was unique and engaging yet lacked immediate pulling power. The hook was slow and methodical, yet it managed to tug just enough to keep me wondering about the rest of the book. The world was vividly rendered and creatively crafted by the use of plausible places imagined to exist in locations that are remote and desolate.} Stars for the idea: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

 

The Plot – conflict and climax: {The plot was plodding yet had a somewhat satisfying end. The conflict seed to be implied more than experienced. The climax was a somewhat singular event that was frightening and gratifying at the same time.} Stars for the plot: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

 

The Characters – development and dimension: {There seemed to be only one character that was prominently portrayed in the story. The main character did not change much in the course of the story, because his emphasis was always the same, in which he used a warning tone throughout the story. Dimensionally, however, the main character was well rounded, in that he was realized in a complex and involved way, making him seem intelligent, wise, and brave, yet still approachable and human.} Stars for the characters: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

 

The Setting – scenes and senses: {The setting was dazzling and chilling. The Scenes were described in abundant detail and had significant gravity to them. The scenes used in the story were fairly well rounded, exploring sight, sound, and smell for the most part, lacking somewhat in touch and taste.} Stars for the setting: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

 

The Theme – lesson and epiphany: {The theme of the story was a kind of warning to not venture into the regions described in the story. The lesson of the story was that some discoveries are too dangerous to make. The epiphany was that there are, in fact, wonders in the world to dark and terrible to fathom.} Stars for the theme: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

 

Subtotal stars for the Primary Elements (always rounding up), [2] stars out of 3 stars.

 

The Secondary Elements: Style, Substance, Grammar, Essence, & Impression.

 

The Style – logic and pacing: {The style of the story was a strong point. The logic was sound in how the story progressed and how the characters acted and reacted. The pacing was moderate and kept an even clip throughout.} Stars for the style: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

 

The Substance – skeleton and teeth: {The structure of the story was well founded with its parts fitted together smoothly and sensibly. The skeleton was solid and held the weight of the story well. The story’s teeth were razor sharp in that the story had a great premise that ancient advanced and extremely strange life forms could have lived on Earth millions of years ago and died out.} Stars for the substance: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

 

The Grammar – sentence structure and word usage: {The grammar of the story did not have any obvious problems. The sentence structure seemed solid and correct, and the word usage was accurate and clear.} Stars for grammar: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

 

The Essence – emotion and memory: {The essence of the story was intense. The emotions of fear and wonder were the most prominent in the story. The most memorable part of the story was the climax, in which the main characters were chased by an ancient creature.} Stars for the essence: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

 

The Impression – opinion and talent: {My impression of this story is good. In my opinion it has a lot of strong elements, however, some of its elements are not thoroughly utilized.} Stars for the impression: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

 

Subtotal stars for the Secondary Elements (always rounding down) [2] stars out of 2 stars.

 

Conclusion: {In conclusion, this story is great from a conceptual stand point, however, it lacks stellar execution. This story was intriguing and had a lot of nagging unanswered questions.}

 

Grand total stars for the story – primary elements and secondary elements: [4] stars out of 5 stars.

 

About

This is my blog of book reviews using my 10 element review system. I mostly review indie authors of science fiction and fantasy, but will review classics if i get the chance, i.e. they are free or cheap, e.g. 99¢.

A Bemusing Brush with Death

Review of {UNLIKELY TREASURE}, by {J D Shank}

A comprehensive review by John Adams Theibert Jr.

Review: {A Bemusing Brush with Death} [4] stars out of 5 stars

/ ****– / /(visual indication of stars) * = star – = no star/

The Primary Elements: Idea, Plot, Characters, Setting, & Theme

The Idea – hook and world: {The idea of this story was campy yet strangely historic. The hook of the story was slow but ultimately effective. The world of the story was deeply detailed yet mainstream.} Stars for the idea: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The Plot – conflict and climax: {The plot of the story was methodical yet succinct. There was clear yet underwhelming conflict but with convincing motives. The climax of the story was direct and chilling yet with a anticlimactic finish.} Stars for the plot: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The Characters – development and dimension: {This was clearly a character driven story, with nearly all of the emphasis of the story put into crafting characters. The main and supporting characters Tom and Sophie were deftly developed with profound personalities and clearly unique and distinctive dialogue. Dimensionally the main and supporting characters transformed quite dramatically throughout the story and had true depth and breath to their lives and personalities.} Stars for the characters: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The Setting – scenes and senses: {The setting of the story was skillfully crafted yet lacked physical and sensory presence. The scenes of the story were described very clearly, and in some cases aesthetically, yet not enough of the scenes were truly inspiring. The story only used primary senses for the most part such sight and hearing with a few smells, yet much more could have been done to provide sensory input such as taste, tactile, pressure, cold, heat, discomfort, warmth and comfort.} Stars for the setting: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The Theme – lesson and epiphany: {The theme of this story seemed to revolve around passion and love. The lesson of the story seemed to be be careful who you love and who you overlook. There did not seem to be a clear epiphany in the story.} Stars for the theme: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

Subtotal stars for the Primary Elements (always rounding up), [2] stars out of 3 stars.

The Secondary Elements: Style, Substance, Grammar, Essence, & Impression.

The style – logic and pacing: {The style of the story was decisive yet plodding but this was not distracting. The logic of the story was direct yet sometimes frustrating which was strangely satisfying. The pacing of the story was smooth and flowing yet meandering though meaningfully so.} Stars for the style: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The substance – skeleton and teeth: {The story seemed to lack profound substance, yet it had moments of genuine insight. The stories skeleton was well put together with all the pieces fitting in their proper place. The story’s premise was not controversial sense it only covered teenage crushes and affection, thus, the story had blunt teeth.} Stars for the substance: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The grammar – sentence structure and word usage: {The grammar of the story was somewhat faulty due to some typos and omitted words. The sentence structure was good and did not have any obvious problems. The word usage was mostly accurate with a few typos. Below are some examples with kindle locations provided for the author: Location 952 missing the word “to” between “back his”. Location 960 missing “and” between “her shook”. Location 2473 missing “the” between “of double” and “of” between “end it.” Location 2669 “couldn’t possible” should be “couldn’t possibly.” Location 3252 “where-a-bouts” should be “whereabouts.” Location 3380 “lady though” should be “lady through.” Location 3385 “sun room” should be “sunroom” suggestion: “sun parlor”.} Stars for grammar: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The essence – emotion and memory: {The essence of the story was exemplary. There were several moments in the story with very emotional and enthralling content especially from the antagonist. The most memorable part of the story was when the main and supporting characters fell in love.} Stars for the essence: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The impression – opinion and talent: {My impression of the story is actually rather good. In my opinion this story could be a lot better with more sensory description and a climax that had real staying power. The author has a lot of talent in crafting unique and believable characters.} Stars for the impression: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

Subtotal stars for the Secondary Elements (always rounding down) [2] stars out of 2 stars.

Conclusion: {In conclusion this story has a lot of nuanced and well developed characters that were woven into a clever and twisting plot. Improvements could be made to the payoff and build up by adding more drama and more consequences at the end and by including more sensory descriptions of many varieties.}

Grand total stars for the story – primary elements and secondary elements: [4] stars out of 5 stars.

A Mesmerizing Tale of Melancholy

Review of {COMES A DARK HEIR}, by {J S Eaton}

A comprehensive review by {John Adams Theibert Jr. (The Kindle Book Review). “The Kindle Book Review received a free copy of this book for an independent, fair, and honest review. We are not associated with the author or Amazon.”}

Review: {A Mesmerizing Tale of Melancholy} [3] stars out of 5 stars

/ ***– / /(visual indication of stars) * = star – = no star/

The Primary Elements: Idea, Plot, Characters, Setting, & Theme

The Idea – hook and world: {The idea of this story was uniquely curious yet slightly placid.  The hook of the story was interesting yet unexciting.  The world of the story was deeply detailed yet uninspiring.} Stars for the idea: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The Plot – conflict and climax: {The plot of the story was nearly nonexistent.  There was no clear antagonist to which the conflict could arise, yet the story was full of inexplicable violence, and mysterious motives.  The climax of the story began and ended as quickly as a bolt of arrows shooting into a target, yet a slightly unexpected twist created a marginally satisfying ending.} Stars for the plot: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The Characters – development and dimension: {This was clearly a character driven story, with nearly all of the emphasis of the story put into crafting characters.  The main and supporting characters were deftly developed with fully immersive personalities and clearly unique and distinctive dialogue.  Dimensionally the characters transformed quite dramatically throughout the story especially the main character, who had many life changing experiences throughout his ordeal.} Stars for the characters: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The Setting – scenes and senses: {The setting of the story was skillfully crafted during brief moments of description.  The scenes of the story were described very clearly, and in some cases aesthetically, yet not enough of the scenes were truly inspiring.  The story utilized crude vulgar senses for the most part such as discussed, pain, and blackouts, yet much more could have been done to provide sensory input.} Stars for the setting: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The Theme – lesson and epiphany: {The theme of this story seemed to revolve around how humanity sees other intelligent life forms in a way that defies reality and the actual empirical facts about them.  The lesson of the story seemed to be that wars and genocides are caused by misinformation and mistrust. There did not seem to be a clear epiphany in the story.} Stars for the theme: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

Subtotal stars for the Primary Elements (rounding up), [2] stars out of 3 stars.

The Secondary Elements: Style, Substance, Grammar, Essence, & Impression.

The style – logic and pacing: {The style of the story was slightly haphazard, yet had periods of lucidity.  The logic of the story sometimes bordered on credulity, yet occasionally seemed to have a resolute purpose.  The pacing of the story was at times abrupt and at other times smooth and flowing.} Stars for the style: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The substance – skeleton and teeth: {The story seemed to lack profound substance, yet it had moments of hopeful trustworthiness.  The stories skeleton seem to be a little pliable because there was a lot of exposé, yet it seemed to have a solid core of promise of payout.  The story’s premise was mildly controversial sense it touched on how humanity can be its own worst enemy.} Stars for the substance: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The grammar – sentence structure and word usage: {The grammar of the story was somewhat faulty due to numerous typos and omitted words.  The sentence structure and word usage of the story could be vastly improved with careful editing.  Below are some examples with kindle locations provided for the author: After [ ] short trial in which they were all found guilty, (Kindle Location 5804). [missing word] His eyes closed almost as soon as he [lay] down. (Kindle Location 5014).

The area was well-lit by the many torches scattered around [ ] area, (Kindle Location 4440). [missing word] I never meant for you [ ] think this was all my effort. (Kindle Location 4338) [missing word] Michel had to direct his son when he’d [begin] to make a wrong turn. (Kindle Location 2787).
He stood for [ ] moment, waiting for the young man to stand on his own. (Kindle Locations 2592-2593). [missing word] … there was nothing [was] written to detail what those spells might have been, (Kindle Locations 2327-2328). [omit word] Adjunt thought to himself as he neared the huge doors [ ] the Archive, (Kindle Location 2246). [missing word] With the help [ ] Tynaul’s friends however, the goblins at last prevailed. (Kindle Location 2206) [missing word] Myrna loosed her arrows as fast [ ] she could ready them. (Kindle Location 2196). [missing word] “What are [ ] doing with that blade, son? (Kindle Location 1475). [missing word] … as if he [knew] already knew what Stavross was truly asking. (Kindle Location 1458) [omit word] Captain Swann watched them go for [ ] minute, then slipped inside his jail. (Kindle Location 664). [missing word] … so I’m not going to tell you to stay away from her, or that she’d [ ] bad for you. (Kindle Locations 592-593). [missing word] But if you’re like not [ ] to listen anyway, well, they may just let it go, (Kindle Locations 582-583) [missing word] But nothing did, and soon his arms began [ ] tire. (Kindle Locations 506-507). [missing word] The Librarian disappeared behind one [ ] the massive shelves that filled up the voluminous Archive. (Kindle Locations 167-168) [missing word]} Stars for grammar: [0] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The essence – emotion and memory: {The essence of the story was exemplary.  There were several moments in the story with very emotional and enthralling content.  The most memorable part of the story was when the main character fell in love the second time.} Stars for the essence: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The impression – opinion and talent: {My impression of the story is actually rather good.  In my opinion this story could be a lot better with a clearly discernible plot driven by a single clearly evil antagonist.  The author has a lot of talent in crafting unique and believable characters.} Stars for the impression: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

Subtotal stars for the Secondary Elements (rounding down) [1] star out of 2 stars.

Conclusion: {In conclusion this story has a lot of nuanced and underdeveloped plot lines that could be woven into a powerful and twisting plot if the story was rewritten.  The story seems a lot like a prologue since most of what happens only positions the main character to begin discovering what the plot actually is.}

Grand total stars for the story – primary elements and secondary elements: [3] stars out of 5 stars.

 

A Mind-blowing Story of Subatomic Suspense

Review of {THE GOD PARTICLE}, by {Daniel Danser}

A comprehensive review by {John Theibert (The Kindle Book Review). “The Kindle Book Review received a free copy of this book for an independent, fair, and honest review. We are not associated with the author or Amazon.”}

Review: {A Mind-blowing Story of Subatomic Suspense} [5] stars out of 5 stars

/ ***** / /(visual indication of stars) * = star – = no star/

The Primary Elements: Idea, Plot, Characters, Setting, & Theme

The Idea – hook and world: {The idea of this story was rather fascinating.  There was quite an effective hook in the first chapter of this book.  The world of this story was intricately described and amazingly sophisticated.} Stars for the idea: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The Plot – conflict and climax: {The plot of this story was exciting and enthralling.  The conflict was between a very well rendered antagonist and protagonist, which was extraordinarily suspenseful.  The climax was a crescendo of plot twists, culminating in a well-orchestrated finale.} Stars for the plot: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The Characters – development and dimension: {The characters in this story were believable and individually unique and recognizable.  The characters were very well developed including describing facial features, body type, personalities, and believable and convincing backgrounds.  The antagonist and protagonist of the story were dimensionally transformative individuals that responded and evolved with the events of the story in unpredictable yet satisfying ways.} Stars for the characters: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The Setting – scenes and senses: {The setting of this story was described in clear and precise terms, yet it seemed to lack a certain focus on aesthetics.  The scenes of the story were described in enough detail to understand them on a rudimentary level, which served their purposes, yet they lacked beauty and splendor.  This story use the wide gamut of senses, such as smell, sound, touch, discomfort, pain, and disorientation.} Stars for the setting: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The Theme – lesson and epiphany: {The theme of this story was that science in and of itself is not a justification for creating devices that could threaten the destruction of the world.  The lesson of the story seem to be that scientists must temper their reckless curiosity with a sense of extreme caution to avoid doing far more harm than good.  The epiphany of the story seemed to be that science intrinsically contains the power to correct any problem it accidentally or inadvertently causes.} Stars for the theme: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

Subtotal stars for the Primary Elements (rounding up), [3] stars out of 3 stars.

The Secondary Elements: Style, Substance, Grammar, Essence, & Impression.

The style – logic and pacing: {The style of this story was a tad wonky.  The logic of the story teetered back and forth between soundness and fuzziness.  The pacing of the story was a bit haphazard, with some jarring transitions and other smooth effortless ones.} Stars for the style: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The substance – skeleton and teeth: {The substance of the story was quite substantial.  The skeleton of the story presented a strong backbone of scientific explanation and not a lot of unnecessary information.  The teeth of the story were razor sharp due to the premise, which is highly controversial, omitted here to avoid spoiler.} Stars for the substance: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The grammar – sentence structure and word usage: {The grammar of this story was a little faulty in its sentence structure and word usage as shown below: (ignoring British spellings.) … they would be able [ ] give him his old profile back. (Kindle Location 4411) [omitted word]

… the security officer shifted [uncomfortable] in his seat.  (Kindle Location 3033) [typo]

‘So, any news on the two injured maintenance [crew?]’ (Kindle Location 1592). [number disagreement]

‘Not sure, some kind [ ] explosion.’ (Kindle Location 1478) [omitted word or words]

.. as she scanned the main arterial roads in and out of Istanbul for any signs [  ] congestion. (Kindle Location 1333). [omitted word]

‘Heat shields fully [operation,] temperature stabilised,’ came the response. (Kindle Locations 1185-1186) [typo]

Once there, the RF cavities would take over and increase the velocity of the protons until they [reached] the speed of light. (Kindle Locations 1116-1117) [logical error] {suggestion: approached}

Tamotsu had the one [thing] crucial trait needed in this role: (Kindle Location 288) [typo] } Stars for grammar: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The essence – emotion and memory: {The essence of the story was surprisingly pleasant and enjoyable.  The emotional aspects of this story were impressive and expressive.  The most memorable aspect of the story was the reporter reporting on the surfer.} Stars for the essence: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The impression – opinion and talent: {My impression of the story is excellent.  In my opinion the story squeaks by with a five star, but would be rock solid with some minor improvements.  The author has impressive talent in weaving a suspenseful tail on a global scale.} Stars for the impression: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

Subtotal stars for the Secondary Elements (rounding down) [2] stars out of 2 stars.

Conclusion: {In conclusion this story could be a bestseller with another round of editing to take out the little lumps and bumps.  I believe this story would make a great disaster movie or miniseries.  Although it seems to have all the end sealed off, it would be nice to see a sequel of this story.}

Grand total stars for the story – primary elements and secondary elements: [5] stars out of 5 stars.

A Heart Wrenching Story of Heartlessness

Review of {THE STRUGGLE FOR PROBANA: SHATTERED ADVANCES}, by {T.C. Squires}

A comprehensive review by {John Adams Theibert Jr (The Kindle Book Review). “The Kindle Book Review received a free copy of this book for an independent, fair, and honest review. We are not associated with the author or Amazon.”}

Review: {A Heart Wrenching Story of Heartlessness} [4] stars out of 5 stars

/ ****- / /(visual indication of stars) * = star – = no star/

The Primary Elements: Idea, Plot, Characters, Setting, & Theme

The Idea – hook and world: {The idea of the story was somewhat interesting.  The hook of the story took a while to develop but yet ultimately was successful.  The world of the story also took quite a while to develop yet ultimately was satisfying.} Stars for the idea: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The Plot – conflict and climax: {The plot of the story was somewhat haphazard and unbalanced.  There did not seem to be a clear conflict between an antagonist and the protagonist.  The climax was somewhat confusing and unfulfilling.} Stars for the plot: [0.0] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The Characters – development and dimension: {The characters of the story were interesting and dynamic.  The characters seem to be well developed and have a good sense of relationships, backgrounds, and personalities.  The characters seem to have fully rounded dimensionally transformative characteristics that responded appropriately and dynamically to changing circumstances.} Stars for the characters: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The Setting – scenes and senses: {The setting was somewhat of a mixed bag.  The scenes of the story seemed hastily described and inadequately detailed.  However, the story utilized senses in an interesting way mostly for describing pain, discussed, or uncomfortableness.} Stars for the setting: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The Theme – lesson and epiphany: {The theme of the story seemed to deal with this senselessness of killing innocents during more.  The lesson of the story seemed to be: war cannot justify the killing of innocent people.  The story seemed to teeter on the edge of an epiphany but did not quite acquire one.} Stars for the theme: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

Subtotal stars for the Primary Elements (rounding up), [2] stars out of 3 stars.

The Secondary Elements: Style, Substance, Grammar, Essence, & Impression.

The style – logic and pacing: {The style of the story seemed fairly consistent.  The story seemed to have quick and accurate logic.  The pacing of the story was fluid and well thought out.} Stars for the style: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The substance – skeleton and teeth: {The story seemed to have good solid substance.  There did not seem to be a lot of unnecessary information or fluff, meaning that the story had a good skeleton.  The story’s premise seemed to be controversial, summed up in the syllogism: killing innocents is senseless; war kills innocents; therefore war is senseless, meaning that the story had sharp teeth.} Stars for the substance: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The grammar – sentence structure and word usage: {The grammar of the story seemed to be hit and miss.  The following are some grammatical typographical errors that I found: (Kindle locations provided for the author.) Then you will have to continuing fighting for the privilege to keep living, (Kindle Location 2892) … an armed base with ten thousand solders, (Kindle Location 2210) I rush to door and feel the cool metal of the knob. (Kindle Locations 627-628) This war has ravaged the lands and wrecked most family to some extent. (Kindle Locations 592-593) Words are not be worth much. (Kindle Location 581) It’s so been hard.”(Kindle Location 245) I climb only find myself sliding further into the abyss that has opened below. (Kindle Locations 42-43)} Stars for grammar: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The essence – emotion and memory: {The essence of the story seemed fully immersive and consuming.  The story seemed to be full of emotion in that the main character was dripping with near constant anxiety and anguish.  The most memorable part of the story was the part of the fire in the house.} Stars for the essence: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The impression – opinion and talent: {My impression of the story is really good.  In my opinion the story could use a hefty rewrite to make it excellent, in which rewrite an antagonist should be drawn up to counterbalance the protagonist.  The author seems to have fairly good talent in describing a character’s tribulation.} Stars for the impression: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

Subtotal stars for the Secondary Elements (rounding down) [2] stars out of 2 stars.

Conclusion: {In conclusion this story seems to be missing some fairly important elements yet does not suffer severely because of the others being very well executed.  I believe the story would require a rather large edit in order to add an interesting and believable antagonist into the vacuum where none exists.  The protagonist was quite the method actor of this story, and truly carried it single-handedly which both benefited and detracted from the story.}

Grand total stars for the story – primary elements and secondary elements: [4] stars out of 5 stars.

 

A Story of Impossible Bravery

Review of {COURVALIAN: The Resistance}, by {Benjamin Reed}

A comprehensive review by {John Adams Theibert Jr}

Review: {A Story of Impossible Bravery} [3] stars out of 5 stars

/ ***– / /(visual indication of stars) * = star – = no star/

The Primary Elements: Idea, Plot, Characters, Setting, & Theme

The Idea – hook and world: {The idea of the story was a little shaky.  There was not an effective hook.  However, the world was kind of interesting.} Stars for the idea: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The Plot – conflict and climax: {The plot of the story was a bit one sided.  The conflict was between a very sketchily drawn antagonist and several thoroughly detailed protagonists.  The climax of the story was clearly the strong suit of the plot, however, it ended quite abruptly.} Stars for the plot: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The Characters – development and dimension: {The characters of the story were quite likable and interesting.  The characters were fairly well developed through action, description, and dialogue.  The characters seem to be well rounded in terms of dimension and were clearly impacted by the events of the story.} Stars for the characters: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The Setting – scenes and senses: {The setting of the story was somewhat scenic yet it lacked the full depth of sensation (smell, touch, taste, sound, sight, and other) that could have really brought it to life.} Stars for the setting: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The Theme – lesson and epiphany: {The theme of the story seemed to be about bravery.  The lesson of the story seemed to be even if you are physically unable to do certain things through illness or injury your bravery can still make you useful.  There did not seem to be an epiphany related to this story’s theme.} Stars for the theme: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

Subtotal stars for the Primary Elements (rounding up), [2] stars out of 3 stars.

The Secondary Elements: Style, Substance, Grammar, Essence, & Impression.

The style – logic and pacing: {The style of the story seemed a bit topsy turvy.  The logic of the story was rather convoluted and shaky.  The pacing of the story, however; seem to ebb and flow in a satisfactory manner.} Stars for the style: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The substance – skeleton and teeth: {The substance of the story seemed to be a bit soft.  The skeleton of the story was rather squishy, sense there were tangents in the story that did not pan out.  As far as the teeth of the story, it seemed to have a mildly controversial and innovative premise that hiking in Maine might cause you to be teleported into another dimension.} Stars for the substance: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The grammar – sentence structure and word usage: {As far as grammar the sentence structure and word usage seemed to be a bit lacking since there were many typos as follows: … soon Matthew noticed the entire the tide of battle had changed. (Kindle Location 4261) … with a skewered fish and flew to the back to the forest. (Kindle Location 3713) Something clicked within Matthew while he stared the prisoner. (Kindle Location 3323) “They have gained a lot weight since then, (Kindle Location 2824) … who had decided not wait for him. (Kindle Location 1659) Matthew’ eyes were transfixed on it; (Kindle Locations 1471-1472) Matthew only saw sadness in bear’s eyes. (Kindle Locations 1398-1399) “What makes them go .go different?” Charles asked (Kindle Location 663) … was nearly impossible see from the main trail. (Kindle Location 215)} Stars for grammar: [0] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The essence – emotion and memory: {The essence of the story seemed rather good.  There were points of raw emotion that were quite captivating.  The most memorable part of the story was the part about the bear cub followed closely by the osprey.} Stars for the essence: [0.5] stars out of 0.5 stars.

The impression – opinion and talent: {My impression of the story is good.  In my opinion the story suffers from the lack of a well-developed and well-rounded antagonist.  The author seems to have talent in certain areas of creativity, yet, the author seems to be relying too heavily on this talent alone.} Stars for the impression: [0.25] stars out of 0.5 stars.

Subtotal stars for the Secondary Elements (rounding down) [1] stars out of 2 stars.

Conclusion: {This story could be improved dramatically if an antagonist is drawn up to counterbalance the protagonists in the story.  The logic of some of the plot devices in the story is not quite up to par.  Solving this might require more reference to magic and a better developed magic system.  There seems to be scant references to magic in the story.  Also, there seemed to be quite a bit of typos.  I have pointed out the ones that popped out to me, there might be more.}

Grand total stars for the story – primary elements and secondary elements: [3] stars out of 5 stars.